Communication is a big part of daily life. We can communicate in many ways, but most of our communications take place through conversations. We engage in conversation face-to-face, over the phone, or through electronic means. Regardless of the chosen media however, a lot of us struggle with listening problems.
The counselors at Rye, New York’s Relationships & More say that most people struggle with listening from time to time. For others, not being able to effectively listen is a chronic problem. The unfortunate thing is that not listening can lead to all sorts of unintended consequences. It can lead to misunderstandings, inappropriate assumptions, unmet expectations, and more.
For the purposes of this post, listening is more than hearing. It is acknowledging and absorbing what was heard. With that in mind, do you struggle with any of these common listening problems?
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The Need to Speak Your Mind
Relationships & More counselors say some people struggle to listen because of an urgent need to speak their minds. This sort of thing is apparently very common in marriage counseling. One spouse is triggered by something and immediately wants to respond without listening to everything the other person has to say.
You don’t have to be in a counseling scenario to experience this. Even having a casual conversation with friends can put you in a position of wanting so desperately to speak that you are not actively listening to anyone else. It is a problem that can affect everything from personal relationships to your ability to do your job.
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The Need to Give Advice
An offshoot of needing to speak your mind is the need to give advice. Indeed, there are some people who believe it is their mission to save the world by way of their immense wisdom and knowledge. The minute they hear people talking about something, they start formulating the sage advice they intend to offer. Their brains get so busy formulating that advice that they miss almost the entire conversation.
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You Are Easily Distracted
This next listening problem has become more common in the smartphone era. Here it is – you have trouble listening because you are so easily distracted. You are in the middle of a conversation when you hear your phone ding. Even if you don’t pull it out and check your notifications, you find yourself distracted by the thought of who the message might be from. And if it is not the phone distracting you, it’s something else.
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You’re Not Really Interested
There may be times you have trouble listening because you are not really interested in the person or what they have to talk about. This is an especially dangerous problem in that showing a lack of interest in other people can actually hurt your relationships. There is no such thing as a one-sided relationship. If you are not actively engaged in a relationship, you are not part of it. So be incredibly careful if you find yourself disinterested in people with whom you think you have relationships.
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You’re Quick to Make Assumptions
Finally, some people struggle with listening because they are too quick to make assumptions. They assume to know what the other person is thinking or feeling, thereby giving themselves permission to ignore what is being said in order to come up with some kind of response.
All of us struggle to listen from time to time. If it is a chronic problem for you, perhaps individual counseling could help. You might also look for online resources that include tips for improving your listening skills. Just know that it takes practice.
